I am a romantic at heart. Growing up, I read Jane Austen books, watched movies like Anne of Green Gables, and dreamed of my Prince Charming. I imagined that when I got married, my prince would always be swept up in my beauty, adoring me and swooning over me.
I’m married now. Oh, so happily! But, funny thing, he doesn’t always stop and stare at me in all of my radiance. “I-Love-You” gifts are not an everyday thing, and he doesn’t like to cuddle very often because, as he puts it, “I get too hot when you’re sitting so close to me”.
Add in to the mix the fact that humans poop and fart and do not look so good at 6 AM, and there you have it. The “romance” that is marriage. I must admit that I often struggle with the idea I have in my head of how I want my marriage to look, versus the reality of what it is like on a daily basis. God has been teaching me to change perspective a little bit (a LOT bit, actually), and find romance in things I would never have thought to appreciate, but do now as a married woman.
For instance, I now find chores very, very sexy. When my husband tells me all that he has done to keep our house clean, or I watch him working on the yard, I want to hug him and kiss him and tell the world how much I appreciate him. Yes, hard work is sexy.
Humor is another thing that I’m learning to find romantic. Making up silly lyrics to an otherwise great love song and inserting funny jokes into what most would consider an intimate moment are just a few ways that my husband is teaching me to find enchantment in the oddest of places. Our house is filled with laughter ALL the time, though, and I love that. If/When we have children, those little ones will watch their father romance his wife through humor, and I love thinking about that.
Godliness sure is attractive, too. Seeing how the Spirit of God is living and working in my husband is just thrilling! Hubby reads his Bible early in the morning each day, he kneels in humility and prays to God for strength, guidance, joy-for EVERYTHING. That is so sexy to me.
In short, marriage is not romantic the way that I thought it would be, or even the way I want it to be lots of times. But that has been so good for me.
For one, the times where marriage IS all the mushy stuff that I imagine it “should” be- things like having candlelit dinners and receiving pretty flowers- those times are so much more special to me when they do happen. No, it’s not as often as I wish it was, but that’s good, because I wouldn’t appreciate these gifts as much otherwise.
I’m also learning that my relationship with my husband is so much better when I’m not expecting so much out of him or our marriage. Marriage cannot fulfill me, it cannot be the perfect “thing” I imagine it should be.
My husband cannot fulfill me, either, not in the way I so often want him to. Only Christ can so fill me and satisfy me, and when I’m struggling with discontent in my marriage, His Spirit reminds me. Christ is my Treasure. It is then that I am once again able to rejoice in my marriage, and get excited over chores and silliness, and adore my husband not for what he does for me, but simply for who he is…
When I was little, I used to dream of marriage and how romantic it would be. As a married woman, I am learning that this relationship, though wonderful and beautiful, is not the be-all, end-all I wanted. And that is so good. Because, see, my marriage points me to Christ, the true Bridegroom that I’ve always wanted, and the One who alone can satisfy! So I dream of my Treasure. The Wedding Feast. The day where I will be presented to Him as His bride, clothed in His righteousness. And I do this with my husband. Together, we dream of heaven, and I cannot think of anything more sexy than that!
“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17