4 Years Later

4 years | marriage and the gospelToday, my husband and I celebrate four years of marriage.  As I ponder where the time has gone (seriously), my mind runs back to when we first met.  I had just started going to the church we now attend, and I remember walking past him nervously as my friend and I took our seats.  I noticed when he raised his hands to worship and smiled to see a man adore his Savior so freely, so openlyand unashamedly.  He introduced himself to me after the service, and my stomach was twisted into so many knots that I could hardly speak an intelligent word.  I was socially awkward, shy, and insecure.  My face held scars from years of acne, and I was not the hourglass shape I so wanted to be.  But he saw me, and he pursued me.  I wondered quizzically why he showed interest in me .  Didn’t guys go for confident girls, girls with skinny legs and flawless skin, girls with fashion sense and witty humor?  Why would he- this good-looking, funny, extroverted young man- want me?  I figured that he would surely become bored with me once he figured out who I really was.  But he pursued me, and once he really knew me, he stayed.  He stayed, even though he knew my past.  He stayed, even though my insecurities did not suddenly vanish in his presence.  He stayed, even though I was not the prettiest or smartest or even the funniest.  We were married after a year of dating, and I continued to battle insecurities, and remained introverted and shy, and struggled daily with fatigue.  I began to wonder if he questioned whether he made the right choice in choosing me to be his bride, if he was fed up with my low energy levels and social in-aptitude and string of insecurities.  I asked him if he regretted marrying me, I asked him more than once.  His answer was always, “No, sweetheart.  I would marry you today if I could do it all over again!”  He really, truly loved me.  In the face of all of my fears and uncertainties, in the times that I questioned his love for me, he pursued me and loved me.  Gently, kindly.

And the most remarkable thing happened.  I began to change.  In the presence of steady, unfaltering love; I started to crawl out of my shell and become the woman I was always meant to be, the one who had been hiding for so many years behind a wall of fear and self-loathing and pride.  In his presence, I  was secure, safe to rest and to just be me.  He encouraged my sense of humor, admired my full-figured body, praised my efforts to ponder deeply the things of God, and influenced my desire to be passionate and boldly outspoken for our King.  And I was changed, and I am changing as we continue to live out this journey of marriage.

But the most beautiful aspect of all of this is not that my husband chose me, or that he loves me.  The most beautiful part of our story is that my husband, through his pursuit and love for me, lives out a vivid representation of the gospel.

When my husband seeks me out – even in my darkest moments – I am reminded that Christ sought me at my darkest, when I was spitting in His face and cursing His name.  Love that pursued and rescued me at my darkest hour.

As my husband stays loyal to me, even on days when my skin is not flawless and I do not exude beauty so much as I do those pesky PMS hormones, I am reminded that Christ is always with me, and that He will never, ever leave me.

As my husband loves me by doing his best to work out whatever is in my best interest (whether it’s rest or encouragement or confrontation of sin), I am reminded of Christ’s perfect love for me.  The love that drives out fear.

When my husband spends time with me and adores me, I am reminded that I was sought by the King of Kings, and  I am adored by the God of the universe.  I am treasured by God in Christ.

And as I am being transformed into who I really am, who I was always made to be, I am reminded that Christ’s power in me is not just redemptive; it is also purifying.  His love is the Refiner’s fire, molding me and shaping me into His likeness, and into the person I was made to be – a child of the King.

My husband, who himself is flawed and broken and redeemed in Christ, points me to my Savior every single day.  As we celebrate four years of wedded bliss, I rejoice in this love that daily reminds me of the far greater, all-satisfying love of Jesus Christ!

{Happy anniversary, my love.  You are a most excellent gift from God!}

4 years | marriage and the gospel
photos courtesy of Marvelous Things Photography
   “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” -Ephesians 5:24-28




3 thoughts on “4 Years Later

  1. I love this post Deborah!!! Thanks so much! (and I’m so happy to have been there at the beginning!!!!)


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