A Child of My Own

A Child of my Own | Journey of Faith | Kurtz India adoptionWe started the adoption process, and I thought I wouldn’t be bothered by well-intentioned questions regarding our family and, specifically, the adoption of our daughter.  I was wrong, and there is a particular question – posed in different ways by very well-meaning and kind people – ONE question that I cannot stand any longer.  It is the one that, upon hearing of our adoption, people ask, “And will you have children of your own?” or “Do you have any children of your own yet?”

Can I tell you something?


Okay, well not yet.  Not until our court hearing in India will our daughter be declared our own, but once the gavel strikes (Lord, hasten that day!), the work will be finished and it will be sealed: This girl will be our daughter forever.


Can I please tell you why this particular question irks me so much?  There are two reasons.

First, because MY DAUGHTER.  While I am  not at liberty to tell you her story, I can say that all orphans the world over know from a very young age what it means to suffer and lose in BIG WAYS.  They have lost parents.  My girl has lost her birthparents.  From a very young, impressionable age, thoughts run through many children’s heads such as, “What have I done wrong that I have lost my parents?”  “I must not deserve to have parents.”  “There is something wrong with me that I have lost my parents.”  These same children, when home with their forever families, will very likely hear questions posed to their parents like, “And do you have any children of your own?” and to the child who has suffered tragedy and loss, his or her fears may very well be confirmed: “I am not really their child”.  This is NOT okay.

A Child of my Own | Journey of Faith | Kurtz India adoptionWhich leads me to my second reason.  Because the fact is, MY DAUGHTER IS MY OWN.  My girl, who is currently in India, is as much my own as if I were carrying her in my womb.  No, of course she is not being added to our family in the way that many children are, but that does not negate what my husband and I are doing: we are making her our very own daughter.  Our very real daughter.  When questions are posed to me regarding having children of my own, the person asking such inquiries is negating what is taking place in the adoption of my daughter.  She is being added to our family as our daughter for the rest of time.  Adoption is so beautiful.

Please allow me to also add: I understand what people mean when they ask such questions about our family, at least I think I do.  I know the real intention is, “Do you have any biological children?” (I like to say “bio babies”.)  Can I please ask you to specifically say {that} next time, instead of the other phrase that is the ony one I’ve heard thus far?  I’m not trying to make you feel bad if you have asked this question before, but I DO want to explain why this type of inquiry is so bothersome.  Because, MY DAUGHTER.  I want her to know at every possible moment that she is very real and very much OUR DAUGHTER.   And because, adoption is the process of making a child someone’s VERY OWN CHILD.


See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! -1 John 3:1


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