Some Thoughts on Adoption

It’s been just over a month since we brought our daughter home from India. We have enjoyed a lot of laughter, games, and learning experiences together. Sujata is attaching amazingly well to us, and we love her greatly!  There are already many, happy memories piling up, one after the other. Adoption sure is a beautiful and joyous process that brings families together!

Some Thoughts on Adoption | Journey of Faith blogBut it is not all rainbows and butterflies, and I wish more people would talk about that. I am thankful for the stories of people who do share more than just the happy side of adoption because they help to give a more complete picture of what it is really like, and of what it’s all about.

Adoption, after all, is wrought with loss. For everyone.

For the child, of course, he or she loses his parents (and the reasons for this, I am learning, are about as vast as the number of stars in the sky). I think of all that my Mom and Dad have provided for me throughout my lifetime; and I grieve deeply for the children who do not know where they come from, whose they are, or how to grow up to be as stabile and independent as possible. The loss continues for children who are, then, internationally adopted. They give up their culture, people, and homeland in exchange for a different everything.  This means the loss of one’s native language, food, music, and so much more. Before traveling to India, I could not comprehend all that my girl would lose in coming home with us. The losses are so great.

Some Thoughts on Adoption | Journey of Faith blog

For the birth parents, they lose their baby. Oh, the loss! They miss out on so much. The years of memories, of watching their little one grow and change. They lose their child’s future, as well as the here and now. They lose the privilege and gift that it is to be called someone’s Mom and Dad. Oh, how my heart grieves for my daughter’s first ones. They do not get to share cuddles with her while reading, or holding hands during morning walks, or laughter in the middle of backyard games, or the gift of teaching her, or seeing her face light up when she learns something new (or when she wins a game). They have lost so very much. So. Very. Much.

And I had no idea that adoptive parents would feel the losses so deeply as well. In bringing home my 6 year old child, I welcomed the loss of her first years of life into my home. Into my heart.  The pain has been piercing and, at times, overwhelming.

Some Thoughts on Adoption | Journey of Faith blog

Frequently, when I hold her close to me, I wonder what those beginning years were like for her. What was it like to hold baby Sujata? What did she look like as a newborn…at 6 months…2 years…?

When did she first crawl? What was her first word? When did she first taste chocolate…ice cream…rice? (These are a few of her favorite things.)

Why does she like to close every single door in the house? If I knew the reason, would I laugh? Or cry?

And on the questions go. There is a lot that I have lost in having my daughter, and even more that she has lost in having me as her forever momma. And how I grieve, so much and so often, for us all.

But I would not trade my daughter for anyone. And I would walk this road again, even with the knowledge of such pain.

Because adoption is not just about loss; it is about restoration.

fam laugh

Adoption is a picture of the gospel. It puts on display the God who left the perfection and comforts of heaven to enter into the brokenness of the people He loves. Adoption demonstrates how we can carry another’s burdens and (hopefully) bring healing, as Christ carried our sorrows and brought us back to God through the laying down of his life for ours.

Adoption affirms to my child  that she is of incredible value, and that she belongs with her Mama and Papa. Adoption gives her a future, and a here and now, in a family. Her family. Adoption helps to restore what has been lost. For everyone.

Adoption is so beautiful, a process that is interwoven with great sorrow and joy. I cannot think of a more worthy endeavor to be a part of.

To my first baby girl, Sujata Elizabeth-

Oh, my dear. You are a like a ray of sunshine to your papa and me. We are often struck by the beauty of who you are, inside and out. We will always rejoice over you, our daughter. {You}, Sujata, are a gift to me. A precious and worthy gift.  We will have so many more happy moments together, and we will also grieve for all that you have lost. I am so sorry, my girl; but I am also so happy. Because you are mine. It is an honor to be {your} Momma. Forever and ever. 

Some Thoughts on Adoption | Journey of Faith blog

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